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March 29, 2024Both the Sacraments of Holy Matrimony and Holy Orders (which will be covered in a different article) are Sacraments of Vocation. Vocation comes from the Latin, vocare, which literally means “calling.” Holy Matrimony is not a default state of life, it’s a vocation people are called to, like the priesthood and religious life. Men and women should discern (think about) if God is calling them to be married and dating/courtship should be a discernment as well. Everyone who dates should be dating for marriage, otherwise their entering into a relationship for purely selfish reasons like curing their own loneliness, feeding their own ego with compliments, or seeking pleasure. Dating for marriage and discerning if marriage is your vocation is seeking a life-long partner who you can mutually support and build up to be the saints God desires you both to be. Is the person I’m dating able to be self-sacrificial and am I willing to sacrifice for them? This is a much more selfless act compared to dating because I want to “have fun” or whatever other reasons people have.
The Sacrament of Holy Matrimony is all about self-sacrifice and getting your spouse, and children should you have them, into heaven. That’s a big task. This is why we should discern marriage and not assume I’m “entitled” to get married. Not everyone is called to the Sacrament of Marriage just like not everyone is called to be a priest, nun, brother, bishop, or deacon. God calls us and gives us the grace to live out our vocations.
What makes the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony extra special is that we see a mirror of the Blessed Trinity in married couples. Married couples are live walking billboards for how loving God is. When people look at married couples, they should see the Blessed Trinity. St. Augustine explained the Trinity and Marriage in this way: the Father loves the Son, the Son loves the Father, and the love between them, uniting them together, is the Holy Spirit. In the same way we see in Holy Matrimony the husband loving his wife, the wife loving her husband, and the love between them unites them together and they form a family. Just as the Trinity is three persons in one God, the married couple is two persons in one flesh. Marriage is the icon of God’s love for us.
Children learn from their parents what it looks like to love someone and sacrifice for them. This is the love Christ has for us that we see perfectly on the Cross. Children can understand God’s love for us by watching the love between their parents. It’s no coincidence that belief in God has decreased about as fast as the divorce rate has increased. Now I don’t have a magic solution for making a marriage work. Each marriage is as unique as each person in God’s beautiful creation. What I can share is that studies have shown couples who were friends first and have kept their friendship a priority, especially through their marriage, are the couples who last until death.
Marriage is a beautiful gift that God has given us since the beginning of creation, and like any gift, it’s given to us out of love and not something we can demand or take for ourselves. Pray for more holy marriages and help young people truly discern their vocation. Help the young people you know, and your own children, date with intentionality and not just to use another person for pleasure. Help our young people discern their vocations because ultimately we will be happiest doing what God desires us to do.