Often times prayer is reduced to a conversation, or worse, an action.  Prayer is more than just an action (attending a prayer service, reciting a rosary, reading the bible, etc.).  There Is a huge difference between reciting the rosary and praying the rosary.  What’s the difference?  Again, prayer is more than just the act of “doing” a devotion.  Prayer is also more than just conversing with the Divine (God).  Prayer at its best is conforming our will to the will of God the Father.  This happens in a number of ways from praying various devotions, to practicing fasting and penance, even just sitting in silence.  Good prayer is where we personify the great quote from St. John the Baptist: “I must decrease and He (God) must increase.”  (John 3:30)  
 
Here is a different way to view prayer.  Think of the times you spend with your best friend.  Can you think of moments in your friendship where you felt complete happiness?  I’m sure you can or else this wouldn’t be your best friend.  In those moments/events that come to mind, were you talking to each other the whole time, or were there periods of silence?  I’m sure we can all relate to still enjoying someone by just being in their presence and not feeling a necessity to talk.  Some would say that is a sign of deep meaningful friendship. The ability to love and experience love without external communication.  That is good prayer if you can do that with almighty God.

As Fr. Arupe famously said, “the three steps of the spiritual life are to fall in love, stay in love, and let the love decide everything.”  Ultimately, we want to do the things that God wants us to do.  If God is love, and He is (1 John 4:8), then God only wants the best for us.  We have to trust that and allow ourselves to be transformed into God, who is love.  
 
When we pray, it is best to focus on three things within ourselves: thoughts, feelings, and desires.  By keeping focus on these three things, we will begin to notice more how God is acting in our lives and in our prayer.  St. Ignatius of Loyola, one of the greatest spiritual masters in our tradition, said that in prayer we will hear from three different “spirits:” the good spirit, the bad spirit, and our own spirit.  The good spirit will definitely include God; however, it doesn’t necessarily have to be God.  The good spirit can be a positive encounter with a family member or friend, a feeling of accomplishment for completing a task, a desire to grow in relationship with a student or neighbor.  The same is true for the bad spirit, it isn’t necessarily the devil every time; rather, it can also be a jerk who makes us feel bad or anger from an injustice we experience.  Obviously, our own spirit includes things that come from us or that are related to us (anxiety, depression, overworking ourselves, etc.).  
 
By paying attention to our own thoughts, feelings, and desires we can better discern which “spirit” is at work in our prayer and daily life.  Again, we want to conform our will to the will of God the Father.  We want to be like St. John the Baptist who says, “I must decrease, and He must increase.” (John 3:30)  When we get better at discerning the difference between the bad spirit, good spirit, and our spirit, then we can reject what is not from God and embrace what is coming from God.  This only has the end goal of making us Saints and more committed disciples of Jesus.  So, what do I mean by thoughts, feelings, and desires?
 

• Thoughts: what are you thinking about before, during, and after your prayer time? When you start your prayer time, you may be thinking of a certain conflict, a list of chores that need to be accomplished, how hungry you may be, etc. If you know what’s on your mind before prayer, then you know if there is something that you need to ask God help with, if you need to clear your mind to focus on prayer, or if you need to flat our reject something.  At the end of your prayer time, evaluate what your thoughts are and compare them.  Did they change?  Did you feel a change?  What’s on your mind?
• Feelings: if you start prayer with a feeling of anger or hunger; but, you don’t know it, chances are you will end prayer that way and blame your prayer time for making you angry and hungry. Knowing how you feel before prayer begins and after prayer ends will show you what God has given you.  Prayer doesn’t always bring peace.  Sometimes God may take your anger and go deeper into that wound as a way to heal it and eventually fix what is causing the anger.  Knowing our feelings helps with this.
• Desires: what is it you desire?  This is often hard to ask because it involves a lot of introspection.  What is it your heart longs for?  What do you want God to do for you?  Remember, He won’t give a snake when you ask for a fish (Matthew 7:10).  Really ask yourself, “what am I desiring?”

Focusing on these three things in prayer will drastically improve your own spiritual life and help you better discern what is coming from God and what is not. Give it a try! Pray every day and watch your life improve!